I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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