That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
