its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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