dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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