I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
operation have a gay friend backfired
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
