Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize