I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He felt like a one man threesome
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
