$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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