so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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