So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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