In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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