My balls are so social today.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
