After last night, I could never be a politician.
My hand turned me down
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
this will be a night to untag.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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