I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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