Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
