i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
