he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
