What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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