I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
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I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
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Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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