420 ftw
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
