I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
