yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
