Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
how does that bad decision feel?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
