I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
why is half of my head shaved?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
