Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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