It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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