You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
