i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
