Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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