spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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