that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So much rum. So many feels.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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