apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
