a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
