I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
