maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
