dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
