College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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