so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
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we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
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It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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