Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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