I can tuck mytits in my pants
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
