Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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