I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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