i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
