I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
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Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
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I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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