He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
