every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
