i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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