Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
