two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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