Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
