this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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