i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
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He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
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We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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