There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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