I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
