I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
