Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
