Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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