$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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