I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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