the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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