walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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