Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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