I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
