Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize
