i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
