My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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