And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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