I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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