My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I will pee on everything he values.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
