They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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