i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
