All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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