If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
