just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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