If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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