Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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