I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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