my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
