i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
All I want is dick and wine.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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